Wow, firstly I have to apologise for the paucity of recent posts. Somehow January and February has simply flown by and I have neglected you lovely people.
Secondly, and the subject of my post, Valentine's Day.
I really enjoy Valentine's Day, it is a time to spoil the person you are with, to share your time with them. I'm the first person to agree that it should not be for just one day a year, and some of the things that you can get are amazingly tacky (and overpriced.......how come a dozen roses will cost you about £10 on February 16 yet are £20 just two days earlier? Yeah yeah I know.................supply and demand oh and profiteering :) )
Whilst this year has been differentbut with my recent history, which I will not bore you with did make me realise how much pressure is put on you if you are single. I don't think for a minute that you need to be with someone just to be complete, although we are typically group animals, but everything is about being in a partnership or relationship. Every supermarket that you walked past was a wall of red, and fluffiness, and flowers immediately opposite the door, every card shop window was awash with more teddy bears than you could shake a stick at.......(can you shake a stick at a teddy bear? I suppose if they are Pooh sticks it would be appropriate......) oh and every mobile phone shop was advertising their pink phones especially for Valentine's Day.........(nothing says I love you like a brand new piece of plastic with multiple ring tones!)
I pity anyone who forget about Valentine's Day......although I have to ask how they managed it.
I really enjoy being with someone, and sharing with them, and the spirit of Valentine's Day (although as you can probably guess I can live without the pink and fluffy!) and I wish you all a very Happy, and slightly belated, Valentine's Day.
(sorry I forgot to get you a rose!)
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Monday, 30 August 2010
Dating post-noughties!
After The Girl decided that she was no longer happy I did not expect anyone else to be interested in me, and certainly did not expect to meet anyone else, so I was rather suprised (actually it was more than 'rather' and unexpected) when after chatting to a friend on 'Stalkerbook' who had also seperated from her Partner, she indicated that she was "interested" and would love to meet up (well when I say indicated she came right out and said it.....I'm afraid that I am absolutely terrible at picking up the signs.....which will probably explain what happened between the Girl and I!)
I have known her for a while, and whilst I have always got on well with her had never thought about her in that way. As I said I am terrible at reading signs, and she has told me that she is equally as bad. It was only when we were both asked about the other by friends who had apparently noted our 'flirting' on "stalkerbook" and asked if there was something more to it that we both realised that there was possibly something more than we first thought.
So for the first time in over two years I have those butterflies in my stomach.
This however has left me in a dilema.........What do you do on a first date?
I am no longer 15, when you could meet a girl on a Friday night at a disco or at the ice skating, kiss, and then arrange to meet up in town on Saturday morning (and it is no longer the early nineties!) I sometimes think it was a simpler time.....but then again it is probably the rose tinted glasses!
Nor am I 21 at University where you would generally meet up with a girl in the union bar, and then able to arrange to meet up there the following evening, or lunchtime, or morning (sorry almost kept a straight face with that one.)
We both really like being outside, so possibly a walk on the beach or along some of the footpaths round East Yorkshire, followed by a pub lunch/dinner, and both also have hugely eclectic musical tastes so any live music could also be an option, but I'm really not sure what else to suggest. Dinner at a restaurant may be nice, but can be somewhat formal or stunted.
Any suggestions would be greatfully received!
I have known her for a while, and whilst I have always got on well with her had never thought about her in that way. As I said I am terrible at reading signs, and she has told me that she is equally as bad. It was only when we were both asked about the other by friends who had apparently noted our 'flirting' on "stalkerbook" and asked if there was something more to it that we both realised that there was possibly something more than we first thought.
So for the first time in over two years I have those butterflies in my stomach.
This however has left me in a dilema.........What do you do on a first date?
I am no longer 15, when you could meet a girl on a Friday night at a disco or at the ice skating, kiss, and then arrange to meet up in town on Saturday morning (and it is no longer the early nineties!) I sometimes think it was a simpler time.....but then again it is probably the rose tinted glasses!
Nor am I 21 at University where you would generally meet up with a girl in the union bar, and then able to arrange to meet up there the following evening, or lunchtime, or morning (sorry almost kept a straight face with that one.)
We both really like being outside, so possibly a walk on the beach or along some of the footpaths round East Yorkshire, followed by a pub lunch/dinner, and both also have hugely eclectic musical tastes so any live music could also be an option, but I'm really not sure what else to suggest. Dinner at a restaurant may be nice, but can be somewhat formal or stunted.
Any suggestions would be greatfully received!
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
A Revelation!
It was after a long boring day at the office, and whilst walking home that I noticed that something was missing, something that has been hanging around my neck for the last few months......as I walked down Newland Avenue in Hull I realised that the stomach twisting, heart wrenching pain that has been with me for what has felt like years has gone, although has in fact only been three months.
This doesn't mean that I don't miss The Girl, or care about her, or that I don't wish her anything other than the greatest and happiest future possible, as I always have, but I feel that I have truely moved on.
It was the first time for a while that I felt like myself. I felt lighter and things seemed brighter. I could see a future for myself. I don't see a relationship in the future, but I know that I can be happy by myself.
This doesn't mean that I don't miss The Girl, or care about her, or that I don't wish her anything other than the greatest and happiest future possible, as I always have, but I feel that I have truely moved on.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
If I hear "You're too good for me!" one more time.....
............I THINK I'll SCREAM!
I don't expect another relationship, and at the moment I am not looking for one, but I really hate the world's lamest excuse for a break-up "You are too good for me!". I understand that relationships change as do people's feelings, and you can't help that, but I would rather be told the truth "I don't love you anymore!" or "There is someone esle!" At least with that you can understand, although probably not make it any easier.
"Your too good for me!" or "I don't make you happy" is just a non-excuse. How can someone be too good to someone? or how can someone know how they make someone else feel!
I will readily admit that when I am in a relationship I put my heart on my sleeve and throw my whole self in, and this has often resulted in me being extremely hurt. But being TOO NICE.......
I blame my Father and Grandfather! They are (or were) real gentlemen. I was brought up to respect women. Just little things like to walk on the outside when on the road, to open doors and to allow them to sit down before me. This has nothing with disrespect (and it may be considered old fashioned) but I don't think I can change now!
I have done enough things during my life that I am not proud of, that are not "nice" or "good", but I would not do those to someone that I am in a relationship with, to someone to whom I have given my heart.
Do women want just a "Bad lad" who will hurt them or give them the run around? I can understand that there is some excitement in that, but if that is what women want I get the feeling I'm going to be alone for a while!
I don't expect another relationship, and at the moment I am not looking for one, but I really hate the world's lamest excuse for a break-up "You are too good for me!". I understand that relationships change as do people's feelings, and you can't help that, but I would rather be told the truth "I don't love you anymore!" or "There is someone esle!" At least with that you can understand, although probably not make it any easier.
"Your too good for me!" or "I don't make you happy" is just a non-excuse. How can someone be too good to someone? or how can someone know how they make someone else feel!
I will readily admit that when I am in a relationship I put my heart on my sleeve and throw my whole self in, and this has often resulted in me being extremely hurt. But being TOO NICE.......
I blame my Father and Grandfather! They are (or were) real gentlemen. I was brought up to respect women. Just little things like to walk on the outside when on the road, to open doors and to allow them to sit down before me. This has nothing with disrespect (and it may be considered old fashioned) but I don't think I can change now!
I have done enough things during my life that I am not proud of, that are not "nice" or "good", but I would not do those to someone that I am in a relationship with, to someone to whom I have given my heart.
Do women want just a "Bad lad" who will hurt them or give them the run around? I can understand that there is some excitement in that, but if that is what women want I get the feeling I'm going to be alone for a while!
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
Relationship confusions
I promise that I will stop boring people with my latest relationship disaster shortly, but I wondered if anyone in "blogland" had any advice about women!
I have said that I enjoy relationships where I make people happy, and I thought that I had one until a few weeks ago! Working in Manchester and living in Hull I am the first to admit that when I got home in the evening, usually about 8pm (after a 5am start) I was not really in the best of conditions to go out and hit the clubs, but I was always happy to go to the cinema or the pub or out for a meal, or even just a walk in the park (usually for which I paid......although I have to say that I was glad to do so!). Unfortunately The Girl was somewhat less accomodating.
Unfortunately there seemed to be some reason why we couldn't do something most evenings. Tuesdays were here weight watchers night, Wednesday and Thursday were taken up with meeting her Stitchetts ( a group of girls who she would meet up with and stitch at one of their homes or at a local coffee shop) [whenever it was at our flat I would be dismissed for the night!] and Fridays were undoubtedly spent travelling to see her friends elsewhere. I was not included in this, although I was expected to drop her off and pick her up afterwards.
I don't know if I am just being sensitive, but she would regularly travel to Manchester to see friends! These friends were two ex-boyfriends who she would spend the night with (often sharing a bed with one of them!) I was told that nothing happened, and I believed her, because I trusted her! She would come home and constantly tell me how great the night was, and how she hoped that neither of them would get a girlfriend as that would spoil her relationship with them. Even then this really hurt, but as I said I trusted her and I didn't want to be controlling or seem boring.
A few months ago The Girl developed a DVT that spread to her lungs, and was a very scary time for me, although The Girl didn't seem to understand how serious this was. She was in hospital for about 10 days during which I was getting about 7 hours at home after visiting her in hospital before heading off to work again. This I did gladly and during which she would repeatedly tell me that she loved me and wanted to be with me, yet all of a sudden three weeks later she decides that she isn't happy and doesn't want to be with me anymore!
To say that I was shocked is a bit of an understatement! I tried to be understanding! "why are you not happy? Is there something I can do? I will try and be home more in the evening!" but she had decided that she wanted to move out. This was then replaced by having to comfort her as her family seemed to distance themselves from her, apparently not happy with her decision, so it ended up with me comforting her while she cried in our flat about how everyone hated her! (not sure if that was really my job whilst my heart was hanging by a thread). She decided she had to move out but had nowhere to go, so I agreed to keep the flat on for another 2 months so that she had plenty of time to get somewhere sorted, and even to help her sort her stuff out. In the end she moved into a friend's house .
I have tried to remain distant, although she has been on the telephone every so often wanting me to do something else. This was until a fortnight ago. The Girl had collected a number of potted plants that looking back seemed to mean more to her than me. These were left at the flat, and as I was moving out I didn't want them to die. I took them round to her mother's although I didn't stop. This lead to a number of messages from her mother saying that I should have stopped and that she wanted to catch up. Having emptied all my stuff out of the flat over the weekend, and feeling really quite down, I decided to put down my feelings in a letter. I have known where The Girl is now living, although I don't have her address, and as I wasn't going to just turn up at her door, so I dropped the letter off with her mum. I was invited in and got to play with the Lil Kitties (two cats, Fred and Lilly that although I wasn't a cat person before I really began to love seeing.) After a quick fur fix, I was talking to The Girl's mum, when I was accused of having cheated on her! To say I was fuming was an understatement.
I understand that this arose because after changing my status on Stalkerbook a female friend jokingly put on my status that we could be public about our relationship. Putting aside the fact that I had no interest in this friend, that she had a boyfriend, that she was my friend's sister, that I have never cheated on anyone whilst in a relationship (I lie......I once kissed another girl at a disco when I was 17 and felt so guilty I could never do anything like that again!) and that The Girl knew all this, to me the key thing was that after all that I had done for her (gladly) every minute of everyday of the last two years (and even afterwards) and had clearly given my whole life to her she could still try and blame me for the breaking up of the relationtionship.
I realise that this is probably attempts to justify her decision to her friends and family, but whilst I could accept her destroying me physically and mentally, to then ruin my reputation I couldn't understand! I told her that whilst we were together I would not read her blog.....this was her space and I respected this, I kinda made the mistake of reading it after we split up in the hope of finding some answers! (REALLY REALLY WISH I HADN'T).
This all culminated in a telephone call yesterday morning to complain that I had taken her TV (this was bought with some money from her mother and the remainder we split.) I had told her from the start that the TV was hers. When I moved out on Sunday, including the curtains, I really didn't want to loose the security deposit because someone had broken in to take the TV that was on display. I had explained this to her mother, and texted her to advise. Still I got a missive last night after a 2 hours commute that she wanted it that evening. She said that she would get a taxi and pick it up, but like a fool I decided that it was quite expensive and I would take it to the road on which she lived and she could collect it. All I got was abuse for seeing her mother on Sunday!
I don't think that I am any great catch, nor do I expect another relationship anytime soon, I keep asking myself what I did wrong and how I could have avoided feeling so crummy now!
Anyway, I promise not to rant anymore! and I promise that I will try to avoid blogging about The Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I have just re-read this post, and it does read somewhat like a self-pitying rant. This was not what I intended. I have no regrets about the two years that I spent with The Girl, although I do realise that I was far deeper into the relationship than she was, and do feel that I was somewhat taken for granted, a mug at times and advantage of. I think the thing that really caused the greatest hurt was to be accused of cheating, and this posting was a result of the hurt that I felt. I hope you don't think too badly of me!
I have said that I enjoy relationships where I make people happy, and I thought that I had one until a few weeks ago! Working in Manchester and living in Hull I am the first to admit that when I got home in the evening, usually about 8pm (after a 5am start) I was not really in the best of conditions to go out and hit the clubs, but I was always happy to go to the cinema or the pub or out for a meal, or even just a walk in the park (usually for which I paid......although I have to say that I was glad to do so!). Unfortunately The Girl was somewhat less accomodating.
Unfortunately there seemed to be some reason why we couldn't do something most evenings. Tuesdays were here weight watchers night, Wednesday and Thursday were taken up with meeting her Stitchetts ( a group of girls who she would meet up with and stitch at one of their homes or at a local coffee shop) [whenever it was at our flat I would be dismissed for the night!] and Fridays were undoubtedly spent travelling to see her friends elsewhere. I was not included in this, although I was expected to drop her off and pick her up afterwards.
I don't know if I am just being sensitive, but she would regularly travel to Manchester to see friends! These friends were two ex-boyfriends who she would spend the night with (often sharing a bed with one of them!) I was told that nothing happened, and I believed her, because I trusted her! She would come home and constantly tell me how great the night was, and how she hoped that neither of them would get a girlfriend as that would spoil her relationship with them. Even then this really hurt, but as I said I trusted her and I didn't want to be controlling or seem boring.
A few months ago The Girl developed a DVT that spread to her lungs, and was a very scary time for me, although The Girl didn't seem to understand how serious this was. She was in hospital for about 10 days during which I was getting about 7 hours at home after visiting her in hospital before heading off to work again. This I did gladly and during which she would repeatedly tell me that she loved me and wanted to be with me, yet all of a sudden three weeks later she decides that she isn't happy and doesn't want to be with me anymore!
To say that I was shocked is a bit of an understatement! I tried to be understanding! "why are you not happy? Is there something I can do? I will try and be home more in the evening!" but she had decided that she wanted to move out. This was then replaced by having to comfort her as her family seemed to distance themselves from her, apparently not happy with her decision, so it ended up with me comforting her while she cried in our flat about how everyone hated her! (not sure if that was really my job whilst my heart was hanging by a thread). She decided she had to move out but had nowhere to go, so I agreed to keep the flat on for another 2 months so that she had plenty of time to get somewhere sorted, and even to help her sort her stuff out. In the end she moved into a friend's house .
I have tried to remain distant, although she has been on the telephone every so often wanting me to do something else. This was until a fortnight ago. The Girl had collected a number of potted plants that looking back seemed to mean more to her than me. These were left at the flat, and as I was moving out I didn't want them to die. I took them round to her mother's although I didn't stop. This lead to a number of messages from her mother saying that I should have stopped and that she wanted to catch up. Having emptied all my stuff out of the flat over the weekend, and feeling really quite down, I decided to put down my feelings in a letter. I have known where The Girl is now living, although I don't have her address, and as I wasn't going to just turn up at her door, so I dropped the letter off with her mum. I was invited in and got to play with the Lil Kitties (two cats, Fred and Lilly that although I wasn't a cat person before I really began to love seeing.) After a quick fur fix, I was talking to The Girl's mum, when I was accused of having cheated on her! To say I was fuming was an understatement.
I understand that this arose because after changing my status on Stalkerbook a female friend jokingly put on my status that we could be public about our relationship. Putting aside the fact that I had no interest in this friend, that she had a boyfriend, that she was my friend's sister, that I have never cheated on anyone whilst in a relationship (I lie......I once kissed another girl at a disco when I was 17 and felt so guilty I could never do anything like that again!) and that The Girl knew all this, to me the key thing was that after all that I had done for her (gladly) every minute of everyday of the last two years (and even afterwards) and had clearly given my whole life to her she could still try and blame me for the breaking up of the relationtionship.
I realise that this is probably attempts to justify her decision to her friends and family, but whilst I could accept her destroying me physically and mentally, to then ruin my reputation I couldn't understand! I told her that whilst we were together I would not read her blog.....this was her space and I respected this, I kinda made the mistake of reading it after we split up in the hope of finding some answers! (REALLY REALLY WISH I HADN'T).
This all culminated in a telephone call yesterday morning to complain that I had taken her TV (this was bought with some money from her mother and the remainder we split.) I had told her from the start that the TV was hers. When I moved out on Sunday, including the curtains, I really didn't want to loose the security deposit because someone had broken in to take the TV that was on display. I had explained this to her mother, and texted her to advise. Still I got a missive last night after a 2 hours commute that she wanted it that evening. She said that she would get a taxi and pick it up, but like a fool I decided that it was quite expensive and I would take it to the road on which she lived and she could collect it. All I got was abuse for seeing her mother on Sunday!
I don't think that I am any great catch, nor do I expect another relationship anytime soon, I keep asking myself what I did wrong and how I could have avoided feeling so crummy now!
Anyway, I promise not to rant anymore! and I promise that I will try to avoid blogging about The Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I have just re-read this post, and it does read somewhat like a self-pitying rant. This was not what I intended. I have no regrets about the two years that I spent with The Girl, although I do realise that I was far deeper into the relationship than she was, and do feel that I was somewhat taken for granted, a mug at times and advantage of. I think the thing that really caused the greatest hurt was to be accused of cheating, and this posting was a result of the hurt that I felt. I hope you don't think too badly of me!
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