I always hate travelling back from holiday anyway, and a stop over in the office before catching the train for my final leg of the journey made me realise that after a week of relaxed business, I am returning to the hectic non-stop life of the rat-race with a mammoth catch up week ahead of me. I have never understood why, when you are excited about travelling to go away on holiday the journey always seems to fly by, when when you are returning home, with little or nothing to look forward to the journey seems to last an indeterminable length of time (surely it should be the other way round? I would have thought that with something to look forward to time would seem stretched and drawn out!)
This has been compounded by a horrendous first day back......a five hour journey to Canterbury.....extended by missing the train I was supposed to be on, for an hour and a half interview, for a further four and a half journey back!
As it is sitting on the train, looking at the photographs that I have taken of the little piece of Eden that I was fortunate to spend a week in, I question what am I coming back to? I know that I have my friends and family, and they are very important to me, but ultimately I return to a job that was always ever going to be a second or third choice, to a home town that I am soon to be leaving, and the empty ache that tells me that I know that for a short time I had everything that I wanted in the palm of my hand, and that it slipped away (I know people keep telling me that if it was going to happen it was better to happen now before we committed ourselves any deeper - but that doesn't really help the here and now!)
I have had a number of 'dream jobs' that I could have followed, and yet life has brought me to this point. I don't regret aby of my choices and I know that I have been hugely fortunate in the chances that I have had (I have seen armed service, played rugby professionally and fenced for my Country) but I keep returning to the question........"Is this what I can expect for the rest of my life?" Don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy the work I do, but it is and always has been a means to an end, to pay my bills and to allow me to do the things I would like to do (and it keeps my bank manager happy!) I suppose at the end of the day that is all you can expect from a job, but should there be something more?
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